the 12 types of pastors

1. The one who’s soooooooo excited for his new building that will be finished next year so he won’t have to preach in an old Walmart anymore

All the member are just as excited as he is. All the visitors (such as moi) are clueless as to what all the hype is about. It’s just a building, for heaven’s sakes!

2. The who’s actually a wonderful speaker

But he just can’t seem to keep anyone’s attention because he never raises his voice or changes his pitch. You of course feel really bad for him, because you can’t stay focused on what he’s saying, but you do wish that he would speak up a little once in a while.

3. The comedian

He’s undoubtedly hilarious. Whether you’re actually going to learn anything from him is debatable.

4. The one who thinks he’s a football coach

He can be summed up in a gif-

Image result for angry football coach gif

5. The nerd

He loves Greek, random history details that have absolutely nothing to do with his sermon, and generally has a church in a college town. He’s the homeschoolers’ favorite. Sometimes he’ll even makes history puns!

6. The one who has children’s church for a reason

Never have you been more glad that your younger siblings wanted goldfish from the kids’ rooms, or that the lights are dim in this service, because you spend an uncomfortable hour hoping you don’t make eye contact with your parents or older siblings, looking like this-

Image result for despicable me minions

7. The one who likes to repeat himself

Don’t get me wrong- he says some wonderful things. Some of his quotes could be wall-words or be highlighted in a self-help book. But anytime he says one of those inspirational things, he can’t help himself: he has to repeat it two or three times.

But then, doing that helps everyone who’s taking notes to have time to write it down, so I guess that works out… Just shout “Amen!” every time he says something good and he’ll be fine.

9. The one who does everything

It’s not that he doesn’t trust anybody- he just knows how to do every single little thing to run a church. He’s the worship pastor, the sound guy, the random person who holds the door open for you and wishes you a good morning, and the actual pastor. He knows everyone’s name, manages to talk all of them, and takes the visitors out to lunch afterward.

He’s magical.

10. The one who doesn’t preach very often

Most people refer to these guys as the “campus pastors” for video churches. They’re usually really nice people, but unless you’ve been at that church for a while, you have no clue who they are.

11. The youth pastor who’s not actually a youth pastor

Polka-dotted bowties, bright red skinny jeans, and #relatable. ‘Nuff said.

12. The one who always has guest speakers

So you visit a church, and you actually like it (amazing, who knew?!). And you decide to come back the next week to hear the great pastor again… and you find out that the great pastor was a guest speaker, and the actual pastor isn’t all that wonderful. *sigh* So close…

Have you seen any of these types? What others have you noticed?


7 thoughts on “the 12 types of pastors

  1. Bahaha this is GREAT! I have sat through all of these before.😂 The football style ones are terrifying.😂 And so sorry to the ones with lovely speaking voices that put you to sleep like…I don’t mean to, but dude, your voice is lulling.😂

    Liked by 1 person

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